Today the Fibromyalgia is Queen. Tomorrow, I shall be Queen again. I declare war on this miserable, havoc-wreaking disease.
I have had a good spell for a long time. Until about 3-4 weeks ago. At first, I thought it would just last a few days but last week I gave in and started taking the only medication which has ever really helped. It is helping a bit but far less than before. On the other hand, I can literally watch myself put on weight (mostly water retention) and my personality is becoming flatter. My mouth is constantly parched and I am disoriented. I am ready to give it two weeks to see whether it’s worth it. Will the pain subside?
And what caused this? A boyfriend is what caused it. And before I go any further – it isn’t his fault by a long shot. You see, my friend, Fibro, made it clear to me a long time ago that I could have either a job or intimacy in my life. Not both. Fibro sure had a hand in breaking up my marriage, although I am definitely not blame-free. Fibro also made me quit jobs I loved so I wouldn’t have a complete break-down.
A few months ago, I met a great man. We have been seeing each other for a while and we get on well. Now it seems that the extra energy I have been (very happily) spending on that relationship is biting me in the back. It seems I have a choice to make: ditch him or ditch my job and go on disability (which I could probably get rather easily). Obviously, it is not that simple. I love my job and I do NOT want to quit working. I also really like the man I am seeing. Do I really have to give up having a significant other in my life just so I can keep working? The relationship is young and may not survive this – that is besides the point . The point is that I refuse to let Fibro dictate how I live my life. If he want’s to keep seeing me despite the regular pain complaints, I sure as hell will keep him in my life. Fuck Fibro!
I declare war on the Fibro the dictator. I have been using all the regular ammo: exercise, sleep, hot baths, massages, down-time… but I obviously need to do more. So here is what I plan to do as of today:
- Take stock of my diet. Regular meals, healthy food!
- Get a cleaner. My place is small, so it is not expensive, but it is one less thing.
- Go see my therapist. I need to learn to give 100% (or even 95% sometimes) instead of 150% or 200%. Nobody likes a show-off anyway!
- Stop doing things I feel like I “ought” to do and do things I like doing and which I want to do. Yeah, I’ve said this before. Like a gazillion times. Hopefully my therapist can help with that as well.
Amen. All good advice is gladly accepted. As long as it is not the kind where you tell me to eat the root of oompa-loompa which you read on the internet that a women in Farawaystan ate and was cured of Fibromyalgia. Keep it real, folks. I beg you: no miracle cure shit. Just practical advice.
Love you all who read this.